And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
