I CAN MOONWALK!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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