i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
