he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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