Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
