i just wanna soil my oats bro
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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