Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
