That's intense
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
