10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
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I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize