She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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