I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
