You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
