You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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