You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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