im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
