I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
