Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
