So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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