True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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