Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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