how can u be prego again
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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