I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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