based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
