goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
