You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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