Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
