Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
pop tarts are not kleenex
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Randomize
