Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
false alarm, still single
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
