Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
