can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
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Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
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the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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