I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
