if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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