I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
