Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
