If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
