He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
