Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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