Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
