____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Actions speak louder than pants.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
