There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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