D3 body, D1 cock
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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