i was born a porn star she said
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
