Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
