Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
how does that bad decision feel?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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