you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
