i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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