I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
