good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
