Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
