It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
