Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
