I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
