The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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