I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
