she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
