Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
