Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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