We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
