I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
