look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize