I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
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Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
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On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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