I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
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