some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
