Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
