I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
