I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
