Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
