The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
