I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
